This March , The Year 2020 the world witnessed its biggest sponge mode. I describe it as a time when one absorbs more just like a dry piece of sponge does only to be squeezed yet again. So if applied to human sciences we think more, hear more, talk more, advice more, argue more, question more, feel more, share more, even pray more and also write more like I am doing (But remember that Mark Twain Quote – 20 years from now ……..so I might as well). And even though in the initial phase of lockdown we all went gaga over ‘Bare necessities’ ‘How little we need’ concepts but the truth was we all want more even in these times strangely. Being Safe and alive isn’t enough.
And I am no different. From reassurances, acknowledgement , better wifi , to content creation , from better looking food on our tables to instagrammable living rooms and that perfect latte art on our Coffee all of us wanted more. Corroborate this with record online sales from amazon and online partners clocking 3 digit growth rate over January earlier this year. Off course a lot is to do or all of this is to do with only lockdown supplies affecting us and nothing with the consumerism crap.
Leaving the Sarcasm behind and guilty as I may be charged, I wanted more too. More acknowledgement and validation of my hobbies and thoughts from Family , Friends and even Social Media. During the early months, I briefly joined one of those groups that is hell bound to break Instagram algorithm by commenting and liking and sharing each of the member posts. This obviously sky rockets your engagement and reach and even followers that too organically and completely free of cost. But you are forced to write wow beautiful shot on Pictures that I could click in my sleep yeah true not to humiliate anyone but forced engagement is like non consensual sex after all. I quit the group in 2 or 3 weeks and the likes and comments plummeted to a 1/3 rd but without seeking or extending favours to anyone I just felt more gratified. My concept of Community over competition does not allow my highly flammable self conscious to promote , comment , like anything that I find mediocre or scroll worthy. Ok but boosting morale of close knits and genuine connections I form as a Human is a different thing and I would continue to do it for as long Corona Virus variant no Alpha delta 20x doesn’t get me. But in all honesty when the lack of genuine feedback and connection gets lost , then how are we learning or even growing as a person gets questionable.
So around this time I started focusing consciously on learning new things and learning more things. My time on the Internet was spent looking at some very inspiring work , reading their stories, taking numerous workshops, learning some crafts and slowly even execute some into my work. But to give you more perspective at the same time , this is how I was addressed by close Family and friends alike without taking names here. Showoff , Directionless, What is that you want to do in life, She clicks for Instagram, Ohhh the new Social media rat race got you none would acknowledge how few things brought me happiness except for the occasional remarks and DM’s on social media which I consume very very cautiously. I know its a feeling of betrayal but remember every person on this planet is equally opinionated and a close aid sometimes just assumes entitlement over your thoughts to probably protect you guide you better and so on. Its just how Human’s are.
The larger truth though was , I was just happy to hold my camera yet again after months , bake a new kinda cake, enjoy clicking it more than eating it. Just happy with my daily quest of learning new things , making small progress, improving one thing at a time without really a clear purpose or direction of becoming or gaining something. This attitude probably gave signals like the BSNL Wi-fi does – directionless and in all directions, yet not in the range of many. But lets just say this I enjoy a lot of things in life and I am multifaceted which makes little or no sense sometimes and has very less to do with the cemented process on happiness and joy so I am rather “directionless” in all honesty. An example would be venturing out in the incessant heat of May month in Delhi’s harsh summer to gaze Amaltas Trees in full bloom and flutter around them meaninglessely . The very next moment I want to start a Home Decor venture, Revive my old Blog , Become a Freelance Photographer or try a new no churn Ice- cream recipe.
I don’t have a clear purpose yet and don’t feel the compelling need or pressure for one contrary to the philosophy behind the famous ‘Ikigai’ and now that I know , I don’t need a validation of this hard earned realisation either.
If you my dear reader at whatever stage in life feel this way too, don’t have a clear purpose yet or an ambition I guess its alright , don’t dig a purpose deep down to the popular belief of motivational gurus. For now just absorb your own breath and dismiss the need for validation from your closest family or loved ones. Its truly liberating if I may say so !
” In a world full of ambition and chasing focused dreams it’s ok to not have one or be that directionless butterfly fluttering around endlessly sucking nectar from one Flower to another. Its ok to just bake a cake and not eat it and shoot it for hours or days all together if that brings you Joy however little ! Its ok to not have your feet on ground and drift in the air like a barren leaf that sways effortlessly with the Autumn breeze. And amongst all this Happy Chaos one day you shall find your purpose MAYBE “
Enough said ! Time to fetch myself some Nimbu Paani with extra ice that I eat in the end with a fractured tooth. Joy Everyday !!!
Ciao
Kamakshi
